


Those Isles Of Yours

by Rena



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-13
Updated: 2012-04-13
Packaged: 2017-11-03 14:03:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/382124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rena/pseuds/Rena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were many people in Magnus's life, but only few who he will always remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Those Isles Of Yours

**Author's Note:**

> When I started writing this, the summary I had in mind was: "x times Magnus Bane followed someone home, and he scores one for stalkers". As it is, this story turned out quite differently than I had planned. This could also be called "People who had an impact on Magnus" - it might not be Malec all the way, except, it kind of is, because Alec still managed to sneak into almost every paragraph and his is undoubtedly the longest, just because he rocks.

_**Those Isles of Yours** _

_If I look at the crystal moon [...]_ _,  
everything carries me to you,  
as if everything that exists,  
aromas, light, metals,  
were little boats that sail  
toward those isles of yours  
that wait for me. _

_Pablo Neruda - If you forget me_

_  
_

* * *

 

**His parents**

He doesn't remember his mother all that much, and he does his best to forget about his father altogether, but in the end Magnus Bane has to admit that they shape him in ways that he will never quite be able to overcome.

His memories of his mother are fuzzy and vague at best, but he does remember that she was beautiful, a small, slender woman with a soft face and an even softer voice. His clearest memory of her is probably the shock in her dark eyes as she realises what he is, and then the body dangling from the beam in the shed.

He can't really blame her. He is terrified of and disgusted by what he is himself, even if he is too young to actually understand what is wrong with him. It takes him decades to understand that she wasn't so much horrified by what he was but rather by what she had done. It doesn't really matter that the demon she slept with was a good-looking one; she still cheated on her husband, and Magnus is a constant, day-to-day reminder of the sin she committed. It's not that she cannot live with him – she cannot live with the guilt and her husband's justified accusations, not the violence that comes with the latter.

Sometimes Magnus hates her for leaving him hanging, for choosing the easiest solution, the fastest way out. As he grows older, he begins to understand what it feels like to hate yourself, to not be able to live with yourself.

In the end, he forgives her.

His father is a different matter altogether. Being the devout person he was raised to be, he believes Magnus to be a child of the devil, an abomination. He tries to beat the demon out of him, at the same time unleashing the anger on the child that is not his, the child that he blames for everything, for the misfortune, for the death of his wife, for poverty and misery. Once he comprehends that even though he beats Magnus half-dead it will do nothing to change the nature of the boy, he throws Magnus into the hen-coop and locks him there, hiding him and his shame from the world, and denies his existence.

Sometimes, when he is in a particularly cheerful and forgiving mood, he brings Magnus fresh water and something to eat. These days are rare, though, and when he decides to finally get rid of the half-demon once and for all, Magnus is only skin and bones after two years of living in the darkness. He hardly has the strength to resist, to put up a fight, but when his so-called father stuffs him into a bag and is only a second away from throwing him into the deep river that runs through the forest behind their farm, something loosens inside him. Suddenly, there is heat all around him, his father is screaming in agony and when the sack hits the muddy, ice-cold water Magnus claws his way out of the heavy fabric, pushes his body to the surface and desperately tries to keep his head above the water. As the stream takes him away, he watches his father burn and listens to the villager's screams.

Later, he will feel bitter at the feelings of dark satisfaction and utter horror that wash over him in that moment. Unable to take it any longer, Magnus paddles to the riverbank, hauls himself out of the water and runs for his life.

The shadows of his parents will follow him and haunt him for ages to come.

 

* * *

 

**The Silent Brothers in Madrid**

After running for what seems like an eternity, having nowhere to go (he ends up as a stowaway on a ship that brings him to Spain. During the entire journey, he hides in the storeroom, mostly inside an empty rum barrel, because the darkness is something he is used to by now, and it is more soothing than it should be) and nearly dying several times, Magnus runs across one of the silent brothers.

He vividly remembers the terror he felt when laying his eyes on the man for the first time: the bald head, the angry red stitches covering his mouth and then, the dark, terrifying voice inside of his head before he blackens out. When he wakes up, he finds himself in an unfamiliar, cold room, lying on a hard bed with a thin, white blanket draped over him. The man is standing next to his bed, handing him a chunk of bread and some hot, pappy soup that looks like vomit and tastes like brick stones. Magnus horks it down and ends up throwing up most of it again because his stomach is not really used to food anymore. The Silent Brother looks slightly grossed out for a second before that look is replaced with a sentiment that Magnus doesn't know yet but will soon come to hate:

Pity.

It is clear on Brother Ephraim's face while Magnus tells his story, and becomes even more prominent as he watches the boy's reaction when he learns that he is only half-human. The look of pity follows him everywhere he goes, making Magnus angrier than anything before. But he doesn't leave, for he has nowhere else to go, and he has to admit that he feels grateful for what they do for him. Although Shadowhunters and Downworlders aren't on good terms, they take him in, they give him food and clothes and teach him how to read and write.

And they give him a name.

Magnus Bane.

At first, he doesn't understand what it means. When he is old enough to comprehend the meaning of these words, he finds that he doesn't care. It may not be flattering, but it is fitting. And it is a name. He has a name, for the first time in his life, and he will hold onto it until the day he dies.

 

* * *

 

**Ragnor Fell**

Ragnor Fell is without a doubt the oddest fellow Magnus has ever met, and in the end it's really him who is responsible for Magnus being the way he is today. He has been staying with the Silent Brothers of Madrid for about five years when the warlock comes along, a huge pipe constantly between his lips, a tall, stoutly-built man with a serious face who slams the door shut behind him with so much force that the entire church seems to be shaking.

If it wasn't for the goat horns peeping through his messy ginger locks, Magnus would have believed he was a perfectly normal man. As it is, it is blatantly obvious that he is _like him_.

"Come with me," is all he says, and Magnus stands up, packs the few belongings that he has and follows him out, never looking back.

Over the course of the next fifteen years, Ragnor Fell teaches Magnus everything he needs to know about weaving spells and brewing potions, about fighting and loving, about justice and being diplomatic and throwing the best and most eccentric parties. He teaches him four languages and the value of friendship.

Most importantly, he teaches Magnus that it is okay to be himself. That there is nothing to be ashamed of, that he does not have to blame himself for his parents' actions. That there is no harm in being different. That in the end, it doesn't matter what others say about you as long as you are comfortable with yourself. That he has to come to closure with his past (which Magnus tries, but never quite manages until a teenager with startlingly blue eyes, who should be too young to understand, looks at him and tells him it wasn't his fault).

Magnus, being an extraordinarily bright student, picks up the essentials faster than any other of the apprentices Ragnor took care of before, and really, he could have left the older warlock perfectly trained way earlier. He doesn't, though, because Ragnor is good company and shows him the world, preparing him for a future that is yet unknown to them, and because he likes that Ragnor is the first one to ever really care about him without pitying him. Ragnor has never been one for pity. Whenever Magnus feels like he cannot go on, he just looks at him, scrutinizing, puffs on his pipe and then tells him to just suck it up and get over it, because that's the only way you can stand to spend eternity in this world. Don't look back. Always go on.

Sometimes Magnus thinks that Ragnor was kind of the only father he ever had. Except that they were never _that_ close. Their relationship is a strange one, impossible to label, and Magnus wouldn't have minded to stay with him longer until one day, Ragnor literally kicks him out and tells him to "fucking get a life of his own".

Being thrown out into the world like that is one of the best things to ever happen to him. (The best thing, of course, is Alexander Lightwood, but he has yet to wait eight hundred years until he finally meets him). He meets new people, has a lot of fun, and works himself up the ranks until he is considered to be one of the best and most powerful warlocks in the world, maybe even better than his mentor.

His life is so busy that he hardly notices how little they stay in touch. That is fine: Magnus misses Ragnor less than he would have anticipated. In the end, he muses, it _is_ a bit like a child growing up, leaving his parents to live his own life. Throughout the decades and centuries, Ragnor remains a constant, far away and yet close enough to know they can count on each other. This is why, when Ragnor is attacked by Valentine's minions, he calls on Magnus for help.

When Magnus arrives, the warlock's cottage is a mess, the signs of the fight evident in every corner. His mentor, whom he hasn't seen in almost seventy years, lies in the far corner of the living room, covered in blood and not looking nearly as intimidating in death as he used to in life. Magnus stares at him for a good ten minutes before he finally gets a grip on himself and sees Ragnor Fell off the way warlocks do it. His eyes linger on the pipe lying in the middle of the destroyed room.

He has always hated the smell of this bloody thing.

Magnus picks it up, packs it and lights it, remembering the person that he has known longer than anyone else while smoking.

He keeps it.

 

* * *

 

**Camille Belcourt**

Camille Belcourt is the perfect combination of beauty and danger, both mesmerizing and absolutely terrifying. The kind of woman to make every sensible cell of your brain scream at you to get away from her, while simultaneously making the testosterone in your body go wild, until you cannot remember the reasons to stay away from her any more.

They hook up for a number of reasons, most of them dishonourable. Magnus has just broken up with someone, is consequently both horny and drunk and determines that Camille would be the perfect distraction from the feelings of failure and disappointment. They make a nice couple, too: both handsome and outgoing, slightly eccentric and powerful, and both old souls in young bodies. Camille has just lost the werewolf that she claims to have been her one true love, and for her Magnus is not only a diversion but also a ' _fuck you, I'm sleeping with whoever I want to, not just with vampires_ ' into De Quincy's face. All in all, it's a win-win situation.

What starts as a fuck-buddies, 'let's be each other's crutches and chase the loneliness away' kind of relationship quickly develops into something deeper on Magnus's part. Camille is beautiful and prudent and thrilling and mostly quite charming, and the thought of spending eternity with her suddenly seems very appealing. It would be nice, he thinks, not having to watch your loved ones walk away or die, not having to think about the fact that the relationship is doomed to failure anyway. He doesn't even care that she's not able to go outside during the day – he's more of a night-person anyway. Also, he has to admit, it is kind of nice to climb up the social ladder into the finer society circles of the vampires and Downworlders in general.

Despite his better judgement, he lets himself fall in love. Along with his feelings comes the realisation that, while Camille is genuinely fond of him, she does not feel the same way. Magnus tries to shrug it off and ignore the dull pain in his heart, and does his best to make her love him.

It is when the Nephilim come around with the young warlock girl who doesn't even know what she is that everything takes a turn for the worse. A chain of events is set into action that makes him see everything he has already known before but was never willing to admit. Camille is a vengeful, cold-hearted person who is only concerned about her own profit. She has been using him, as if he was a puppet on a string, just like she always does with anyone else. Sometimes there is something in her eyes that makes him doubt that she could ever love anyone, and wonders whether her dead werewolf lover is just an excuse to strive for more power.

When she disappears, he looks under every rock, but does not succeed in finding her. He does know that she is alright, though, thanks to the eager gossip-mongers he is acquainted with. Magnus moves to New York, pushes her into the farthest, darkest corner of his mind and hardly ever thinks about her. At some point, he learns that Camille has come to New York as well and, while resolving that he is not the one who has to come to her, that she has to be the one to renew their relationship, still hopes that she will come to see him.

She never does.

The next time he sees her, she is chained to a pole by the Shadowhunters, and accused of murder. She watches him intently as he converses with Maryse and shocks Alec with the information that she used to be his girlfriend, without a doubt filing away the information for later retrieval, just to fuck with him again. She's emitting a coldness and bitterness that sends shivers down his spine.

Magnus expects to feel confused, to have some of the old feelings surfacing, maybe hurt, maybe anger, maybe longing, but when he looks at her, still as beautiful and dangerous and alluring as she used to be, all he feels is a weariness that has never been there before, tinged with a nuance of sadness and, most of all, indifference. He tries to help her, just for the sake of their past, to honour what they had. She repays him by almost destroying his relationship with Alec. At this point, all he wants to do is to is crush her skull.

He doesn't cry when he hears of her death. There is a pang of sadness as he feels yet another part of his past die, and a wave of tiredness that washes over him, but then Alec takes his hand and as they walk to his loft he knows he has left her behind.

 

* * *

 

**Will Herondale and Jem Carstairs**

Unlike Camille likes to suggest, he has never had a thing for William Herondale. Yes, admittedly he has those looks that are Magnus's favourite combination – black hair, pale skin and striking blue eyes – and yes, he is very handsome, but he is not attracted to him in the least, which probably has a lot to do with his personality.

When Alec asks him, decades later, what Will was like, he responds that he was very much like Jace. In retrospect, though, he has to admit that he actually likes Jace better than Will. That is saying a lot, because he has loads of reasons to dislike Jace: firstly, there is the ever prominent jealousy that he cannot seem to shake off, because Alec used to love him, secondly, Jace is a stupid, annoying, conceited prick and thirdly, which is probably the most honest reason, they both have huge egos, and really, when Magnus and Jace are standing in the same room there simply is not enough space to fit both of their egos in. But in the end, he holds a grudging respect for Jace, because he and Alec are very close and he protects Alec and cares for him, and that is all that matters to him.

Will, on the other hand, is just a downright unpleasant fellow most of the time and much more fucked up than Jace will ever be. He drinks, he gambles, he sleeps around at the tender age of seventeen and has a mouth like a sailor. However, that is not what has Magnus's alarm bells ringing (in fact, a lot of these vices apply to him as well). It is the anger he eradiates constantly, how he lashes out at everyone anytime, like a wild animal forced into a corner, at the brink of being caught.

To him, it is blatantly obvious that he hides a dark secret that he has buried deep inside himself that is gnawing on him and will destroy him in the end. Magnus has lived for long enough by now to know that you cannot run from your past – it will always catch up with you in the end.

He often wonders if the other Shadowhunters (Jem, most of all, and also Tessa, who is not a Shadowhunter but clearly has a crush on him) know what they have signed themselves up to since they are so determined to save him, when everyone should know that it is nigh impossible to save someone from himself. He also wonders how they put up with him when all he ever does is hurt them. He wonders how Jem stands it, or why he even thinks their relationship can be called a friendship when it seems that the frail, silver-haired boy is the only one to ever put some effort into it while Will doesn't even deem him worthy of telling him the truth about his past.

Jem, on the other hand, is a person he likes to remember. In fact, if he thinks back to these times, Magnus always thinks of him and Tessa first, then of Camille and then, maybe, of Will, whom he mostly pushes out of his mind, for the memories are not exactly pleasant. Jem, though, is a person he is reminded of when he thinks of Alec – both are reserved and quiet, intelligent and calm, caring and more fragile-seeming than they actually are, with a great protective instinct and an almost endless kindness.

Magnus finds that he likes Jem a lot, and really, he only agrees to help William because it will help Jem. In this moment he thinks that maybe Will does care about someone after all – a notion that is destroyed shortly after when he sees how they fight over Tessa and Will is just being a jackass in general. Jem stands by his side regardless as they fight in the final battle, and throws himself in front of Will to save his life, not caring that this stupid act will cost him his own life.

Magnus does not fully understand Jem and the reasons why he made the sacrifice (he will only understand later, when he knows he would throw himself in front of Alec without hesitating, even though Alec might have hurt him, even though he doesn't really know whether he reciprocates his feelings), but he does learn a lesson.

It is a lesson that this era teaches him well: if you love someone, you will endure everything he does to you. There is no logical reason for that; you just do it, because in the end love is always stronger than hatred.

It is a nice thought.

 

* * *

 

**Tessa Gray**

In his ever changing life, Tessa Gray is one of the few remaining constants. From the moment he lays eyes on the young, pretty- yet-nondescript girl with the serious face, he takes a liking to her. She is a shape-changer and very obviously a warlock, but she has no idea who she is. When he tells her, she is shocked and angry and confused and clearly in need of some guidance.

She reminds Magnus of himself.

There is no one else around who could teach her how to use her powers, so when the entire mess that she caused is over, he takes her as an apprentice, something he has never done before. Magnus assumes he is not particularly good at being a teacher, but Tessa is a bright girl and a natural talent and learns unbelievably fast and thus makes up for what he lacks. From the second he meets her she knows she will be fucking brilliant.

And she is.

Also, it is nice to have some company after everything that has happened. It wouldn't be good for either of them to be alone at his point, both heartbroken and bemoaning the loss of the people they loved (Camille, who has disappeared and Jem, who is dead and Will, who is still around, somewhere, but whom they hardly see anymore and have both somewhat given up because it is clear that they cannot save him and that he doesn't want to be saved).

They bond over good literature and music and some gossip about the latest fashion. Soon, Tessa Gray becomes what he would call his best friend. He holds her when she is crying, when she cannot seem to accept her immortality and the loss of the people she loves and when the memories surface and threaten to destroy her. In return, her presence calms and soothes him and cheers him up and helps him forget Camille.

When he leaves for New York, she is the only thing he is sorry to leave behind. He doesn't see her again until the battle in Idris, on the Brocelind Plain, but a part of her is always with him in the form of Chairman Meow – he is her departing gift. Magnus remembers how she pressed the tiny creature into his hands, a small, fluffy and utterly drenched ball of fur that meowed plaintively and then cuddled into the warmth of his chest. She tells him that she cast a spell on the cat so that it will live as long as she does. Magnus asks what he is supposed to do with it if he doesn't like the cat, then, if he cannot kill him, and is promptly rewarded with claws digging into his skin. Tessa just grins and tells him to be a man about it.

Decades later, when he talks to her after the battle, he can see her eyes drifting to where Alec stands with his friends and a shadow of pain ghosts over her face. He knows that she thinks of a different person, one that he hasn't thought of in years, and decides that he will not introduce them yet; he will wait until Tessa is ready to face him without thinking of the past.

"Do you love him?" she asks.

"Yes," he says.

And then there is really nothing more to say, so he bids her goodbye and walks towards his future.

 

* * *

 

**Clarissa Fray**

When Jocelyn Morgenstern (or Fray, or whatever she called herself at that time) first shows up on his doorstep with a small girl in her arms, Magnus doesn't quite know what to make of that. It isn't particularly unusual that parents come to ask him to treat their children, but it _is_ unusual for an ex-Nephilim to ask for his help. He can see the faint lines of silver scars that she tries to hide so desperately running all over her skin, and thinks that she really wouldn't need to try and hide her profession from him; no mundane would know about what he is and what he can do, which leaves two possibilities: A) She is a Shadowhunter or B) she is a Downworlder, and really, even if he couldn't see the scars it would be blatantly obvious that she does not belong into the latter category.

However, this is just the first fragment in a line of oddities when it comes to Jocelyn and her daughter. The second is that, although he is actually in a terrible, sulky mood and possibly hung-over and very much inclined to send her away, there is something in the young woman's eyes that prevents him from slamming the door in her face. She looks stern and tired and haunted, and she holds onto the child so tightly that for a moment he worries about asphyxiation. So he opens the door and lets her in, and already knows he will regret it someday in the future. Somehow he always regrets making deals with Shadowhunters (and indeed, this is how the trouble started).

Jocelyn's request to wipe out her daughter's memory – Clary she's called, as he finds out – throws him for a loop. People come to him with odd requests every single day, but he hasn't yet met someone who wants to take The Sight from their child. He calmly tells the redhead that taking the girl's Sight might drive her crazy, and when she doesn't even flinch Magnus can feel a sense of dread and worry knotting in his stomach as he wonders how a mother could go to such lengths to presumably save her child. He spares a glance at the smaller version of the woman crawling and stumbling through his apartment, climbing up his chair, turning the living room upside down and pulling Chairman Meow's tail. _"I hate kids,_ " he thinks, and at the same time decides that he cannot and will not destroy the mind of such a curious little child, who, although apparently a devil in disguise, looks at him with big, cute eyes.

Magnus tells Jocelyn to come back the next day to give him some time to find a different solution. When they have left, Magnus tries to soothe his cat, making a mental note to lock him in the bathroom the next day lest Clary gives the poor little creature a heart attack, takes several spellbooks from his shelves and begins his research. He works through the night, something he hasn't done in years, and in the end it pays off. The plan to cast some spells on the girl that will make her forget whatever she saw of the underworld immediately is imperfect and inconvenient to say the least, especially since it has to be renewed every two years, but it is better than nothing.

Jocelyn doesn't have the decency to look relieved when he tells her the good news, but later, when she picks up her daughter and thanks the warlock with a curt nod, it seems that some of the weight has been lifted off her shoulders. For some reason, it makes Magnus feel glad.

Over the course of the next few years, Magnus becomes somewhat attached to the little girl. She is chaotic and surprisingly loud for her tiny, fragile statue and most of all, she's just as stubborn as her mother; to sum it up, she is everything Magnus hates about kids. Yet, he finds that he is strangely intrigued. He has never really watched a child grow up before, and to be honest, seeing her once every two years probably doesn't even count as watching someone grow up, but it is fascinating to see the changes and progressions Clary makes. He watches her turn from a toddler to a scrawny, tomboyish child to a teenager and wonders how it is like to grow old.

Magnus has never lamented the fact that warlocks cannot have kids, and he still doesn't think he would ever want to have any, just because they're so much trouble, but when he watches the way Jocelyn and Luke look at the girl, worry and love and adoration clear in their eyes, he thinks: _"it must be nice."_

Before he can stop himself, he starts to care for the girl, breaking yet another of the few rules he had once set up and intended to stick to. Magnus doesn't quite know how it happened, but at some point he has begun to indulge in the thought of being her incredibly cool, sparkly and very sexy godfather. Maybe it's just because he likes to admire his own work. Or maybe it is something more. Maybe he didn't just carve his name on the girl's mind because of his hubris, but rather to prove that he is a part of her life.

When Jocelyn doesn't bring her to the appointment one year, Magnus starts to worry. That in itself is a surprise, for he usually couldn't care less what his customers do. But Jocelyn is never late – she is too scared of the possible consequences – and as the weeks pass, Magnus decides to take the matter into his own hands.

It isn't hard to find out their address, so Magnus waits until the night has fallen and moves swiftly through the shadows. The ex-Nephilim isn't home, and he can tell there's something going on. He ducks into the bushes beneath the windows and waits, only to see Clary come home with a Shadowhunter in tow. Figuring that she will be alright and protected, and only briefly worrying about what happened before dismissing the thought, because there's this strangely discomforting feeling rising in his stomach again when he thinks that he will probably not see her again now, Magnus turns and leaves her behind.

Or so he thought.

Two days later, he opens the door to see Clary and her little Shadowhunter friends on his doorstep and silently curses himself for ever accepting that job. He has always known she would be trouble.

He kind of hates her for roping him into this mess.

He kind of loves her for it, too, because being roped into this mess also means becoming part of a very large, somewhat screwed up and just utterly _strange_ sort of family, and because it also means meeting Alexander Lightwood.

And really, that is the best thing that ever happened to him.

 

* * *

 

**Alec Lightwood**

When asked later, Magnus will have to admit that Alec Lightwood didn't immediately catch his eye; that would have been a tough task, anyway, what with the entire group of Shadowhunters standing in front of his door, his sister Isabelle who basically shoved the invitation flyer into his face, Goldilocks with his cockiness and the shock of seeing Clary, who is not supposed to know him, who is not supposed to even _see_ him, on his doorstep. Alec is not the kind of person to flaunt and stand in the front line, but rather the kind of person who tries to hide and not catch any attention, so at first Magnus doesn't really register him.

That changes quickly, though.

They are in Magnus's bedroom, asking the warlock about the spell he performed on Clary, and the first time Alec opens his mouth Magnus knows he is different. There is no arrogance, no pomposity, no self-display, just calm, pensive comments that subtly hint at his intelligence and ability to assess a situation rationally if he wants to. It is blatantly obvious that he is the sane and responsible part of this weird little group, the one who looks after the others, even though it is also obvious that he does not particularly like speaking out loud in front of strangers.

Magnus is surprised to notice the lack of prejudices in his voice and manners. Shadowhunters, even if they are not sons of people who were part of the Circle and outwardly despised Downworlders, are usually raised to look down on every other race. There is no contemptuousness in Alec's eyes, just honesty, candour and maybe just a little spark of curiosity. It is a wonder that Maryse and Robert have not managed to pass down their prejudices onto him, which only speaks in his favour.

Then Magnus tells them the story of his parents and yet again the young Shadowhunter takes him by surprise with his unexpected sympathy. For the first time, Magnus looks at him, _really_ looks at him and is stunned by the beauty and perfection of this boy who is so unsure of himself and doesn't even know how gorgeous he is. It is easy for Magnus to read people, since he has been around for so long by now: he realises instantly that Alec _understands_ , because he knows what it is like to hate himself and tries to ignore how his words ' _It is not your fault_ ' seem to be not only directed at him but also are an attempt of Alec to reassure himself, although that doesn't seem to work very well.

He has the bluest eyes Magnus has ever seen (and yes, the resemblance to William is startling, but he doesn't think of Will at all – he only sees Alec. He only ever sees Alec nowadays, in everything he lays his eyes upon) and there is something about him that makes his insides flutter with a dizziness he has not experienced in decades. He keeps his eyes transfixed on him for most of the conversation, studying his reactions when he tells him that he has killed many Nephilim in the Uprising and criticizes their way of dealing with the faults they made (which mainly consists of denial) in general. Unlike Jace, he stays calm and just nods, and when he sees Alec's gaze drifting briefly to his _parabatai_ he grasps why the boy must inwardly agree with his words. The look he gives Jace is hard to misinterpret, and Magnus can only suspect how hard it must be for a (apparently still closeted) gay Shadowhunter in a highly traditional and conservative society that hardly allows weaknesses and feelings in general.

Closeted, self-conscious and emotionally unstable teenage Shadowhunters who have a crush on someone else are exactly what Magnus has always made a point to keep away from and what you should _not_ fall in love with, _ever_ , but Alec somehow makes the rational parts of his brain shut down temporarily, and so he tells the boy to call him before he leaves (the way he blushes and just stands there and stutters is just adorable) and shoves a piece of paper with his cell phone number into his back pocket, although he doesn't believe that Alec will call. There are too many obstacles in the way: the tightly locked closet doors, the shyness, the crush on Jace. Also, Magnus realises somewhat belatedly, he has not even learned his name yet. He tells himself not to get his hopes up.

(He kind of does anyway).

The next day, he receives a fire message from Hodge Starkweather, telling him that one of his protégés was heavily injured by a Greater Demon and asking him to come to the Institute and heal him. Magnus prays that it is the arrogant blonde, grabs his cloak and rushes out of the door.

Of course it is not Jace who is wounded, but Alec who took the blow while trying to protect his _parabatai_. _Of course_. Neither Jace nor Isabelle, nor Clary, for that matter, seem to have any common sense at all, so naturally it would be Alec who tries to make sure they'll be unharmed whenever they mess up everything. Magnus silently curses his protective instinct and his liability to self-sacrifices, throws Isabelle out and begins to weave his spells.

It nearly drains him of his energy completely, but in the end he manages to get all of the poison out of his system and heal the broken leg and other wounds, leaving only faint silver lines on his skin that tell the story of his near-death experience. He stays overnight, not only because he wants to make sure Alec will be alright, but also because he is too tired and sore to move a single muscle. When the Nephilim wakes up, Magnus shamelessly takes advantage of his drowsy state to flirt with him and decides that maybe he won't charge the Shadowhunters that much after all.

All contemplations concerning his payment are instantly discarded when Alec shows up on his doorstep only two days later, standing somewhat wobbly on his crutches and biting his lip nervously. He looks tired and pained and very, very young, but when Magnus opens the door he smiles at him and Magnus's heart does a little leap of joy. He pulls Alec into the loft, orders him to sit on the couch and spends the next three hours talking to him, trying not to tease him too much (he doesn't want to scare him away, after all, although he just loves seeing how he blushes and squirms every time Magnus makes an only remotely sexual comment) and marvelling every little detail, the way Alec pulls one eyebrow up when he thinks Magnus is talking bullshit, the slight crease of a frown on his forehead when he is pondering, the way he brushes the stray strands of hair out of his eyes occasionally just to have them fall back into place again only seconds later, as if he likes hiding behind it, the way his shoulders shake when he is suppressing his laughter.

Magnus presses a chaste kiss on his cheek as he sees him out. Alec freezes immediately, stutters something unintelligible and all but bolts out of the door, and Magnus wants nothing but to hit himself for his stupidity.

Alec is there the next day, though, so he figures it wasn't that bad after all.

Despite his better judgement (again) he lets himself fall in love. At some point, he vaguely wonders why he always loses his heart to the lost causes. He knows that Alec likes him and he also knows that he doesn't love Jace, not really, that he only holds onto his crush on Jace because the blonde Shadowhunter is safe, because he won't ever act on his presumed feelings, because that makes it all easier for him: he doesn't have to face his homosexuality nor his feelings for Magnus and as long as he doesn't acknowledge that they have a relationship he is in no danger of getting hurt.

Except, it doesn't make anything easier at all. Magnus knows it is hard for him and is willing to hide their relationship for as long as Alec wants to, but there is some point where it just becomes too much to bear and he is just pissed off. It is enough, at first, to see how he noticeably loosens up around him, to enjoy the stolen kisses and the secret meetings. He is overjoyed that, when Jace gets in trouble for answering back the Inquisitor and is arrested, Alec comes to him in the middle of the night, because what he intended to be a short stroll to clear his head ended up leading his steps unconsciously to Magnus. The warlock does his best to help his boyfriend's best friend out of this mess, just to do Alec a favour. Then Alec disavows their relationship – as if his siblings didn't already _know_ , it's not like he was any good at hiding it – and something in Magnus snaps. He stays around for long enough to save the day during the battle on the ship (and save Alec's life again, because there is no way he could ever be so angry at him as to let him drown) and then proceeds to simply ignore all of Alec's calls, if only to teach the boy a lesson, because he's fed up to the back teeth and he's not sure whether he is worth the inner turmoil he perpetually throws Magnus into.

The next days are spent in a drunken haze and a suppressive depression while he sulks and tries to resist the urge to pick up the phone. Unfortunately (or fortunately, rather, as he will say later – it really depends on the perspective) there is this little nagging voice inside his head that keeps telling him that Alec _is_ worth it and no amount of alcohol helps him to shut this voice up. Magnus thinks of their happy moments, and how Alec almost told his parents of them (yes, of course that was because of the Fearless Rune and he would certainly have regretted it later if it hadn't been for Magnus surreptitiously knocking him out before he could finish the sentence), or how he kneeled in front of him, drenched and exhausted after nearly drowning and yet offering him to use his power to keep the shields down, saying _'Take it. It's yours'_ and Magnus only wishes he would have meant himself instead of just his power.

He sees Alec again when he opens the portal to Idris, and maybe, just maybe he would have talked to him, but fate is a bitch that always seems to have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed when it comes to him and Alec, and when they are attacked by demons all he can do is usher them through the portal and close it behind them as quickly as possible. They meet again on the battlefield a couple of days later, covered in ashes, sweat, blood and demon stench and Magnus feels all of his anger deflate. Well, maybe not all of his anger; there is still enough bitchiness left to cause him to act irrationally and blurt out that he loves Alec and make him want to kind of slap the Nephilim for having the nerve to look surprised, as if this was an unexpected revelation. His anger is completely forgotten, though, when Alec promises to officially introduce him to his parents; there is a determination in Alec's eyes that wasn't there before, so Magnus knows he really means it.

However, he doesn't expect Alec to actually do it immediately; not after what happened to Max. Seeing your little brother die, he guesses, is a valid reason for postponing that discussion to a much later date, especially since they are still in deep doo-doo considering that Valentine's demon army is waiting to rip them to pieces. To say that he is surprised that Alec walks up to him to partner up for the battle would be an understatement.

As it is, Alec is very good at throwing him for a loop, Magnus thinks. And then he doesn't think anything at all for quite a while anymore, because Alec proceeds to kiss him in front of the entire Clave, not caring that everyone is staring at them in shock. Magnus has the sneaking suspicion that he has the stupidest, huge cheeky grin on his face when they finally break apart, but he finds that he cannot be bothered to give a shit. Alec just shrugs and tells him that if they are to going to die tonight anyway, then he could at least make the best of the time they have left.

They don't die (well, they nearly do, but he won't let that put a damper on his high), and as they stand and look over the battlefield Alec takes his hand and intertwines their fingers. It is quite possibly the most unromantic place Magnus has ever been to, but it doesn't matter at all, because there is no place he would rather be at this moment, there is no place he will _ever_ rather be than by Alec's side. Had he died here, Magnus muses, he would have died a happy man.

It is the most wonderful feeling, to feel at home at last.


End file.
